I have demons in me.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
