Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
