I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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