I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
