totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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