Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
