True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
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