He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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