you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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