Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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