I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
