With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Can you bring me the toilet please
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
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