I only kidnapped one of them. chill
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
