I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He did a backflip because drugs
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
