I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
