I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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