I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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