wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
