I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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