The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
