I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize