Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
