Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
