I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Randomize
