The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
