I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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