i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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