i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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