i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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