I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
