Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
