so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
