The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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