The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You left your phone here
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