JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
