yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
why do cheetos always look like penises
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
