who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
