Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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