Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
