Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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