If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
