belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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