he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I cut my penus on the lid.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
