I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
