I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
