Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
