So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
