Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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