i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
