i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
They should really pass out barf bags in church
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Randomize
