It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
