You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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