I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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