I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
