Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
