...so i touched it.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Randomize
