I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
