I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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