Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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