Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
