mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Randomize
