It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
