I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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