my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
