a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize