I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
