he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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