so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I AM VODKA MAN
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
