I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
