Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
