Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
