Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
