to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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