He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
