Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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