see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
